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Photograph 8: Indifference

Call it indifference, numb, or just an I-don’t-care attitude, this hits me a few times a day.  It often creeps in during periods of procrastination, although brief, and nothing seems to affect me.  Happiness, sadness, excitement, anger, or anything else for that matter makes no appearance.  It almost seems that I am on autopilot.  With so many obligations and tasks at hand on a daily basis, it is difficult to prioritize them.  One seems to take precedence over the rest, but the rest all fight to wiggle their way to the front.  This isn’t even taking into consideration the random crises that appear that demand immediate deviation from my course.  Staying on track is a constant battle.  Where would emotion even fit into such a daunting schedule?

It’s there, hidden way in the back, like a light switch in a large, dark auditorium waiting to be found.  Sure, certain things can trigger it, but those are few and far between.  There is a great need to break away from my distractions; I imagine I would accomplish more in a shorter amount of time if they were minimized.  The problem comes in at implementation.  Then throw in the human distraction element.  I want to ignore certain people, and at other times there are people from which I welcome distraction.  Alas, there has to be a balance. 

Even in writing this, I have stopped at least five times for a variety of things.  A party comes up, chat windows light up on the messenger, I forgot I had put a movie in, I refresh another internet webpage and check email.  See what I mean?  Ridiculous.  I need to come up with a list of priorities and time set aside to dedicate to each.  If I don’t, each task and person will only receive a portion of my attention, which will be split by multitasking among many distractions and substandard at best.

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